What the hell is wrong with what I am doing with my own life? The past few weeks I have had more than anyone’s share of arguments with friends who claim they are looking out for my best interests. Let me explain….

I am in love with Amy. But Amy is not without faults. She has been through hell and back with her past relationships and is dealing with the repercussions of that now. She is now trying to pursue a life of her own and learn to love herself and others all over again. It’s not an easy path for anyone to take and there have been plenty of bumps in the road that I know have cause more stress in her life than I think anyone is prepared to face. But she faced it and has continued to move forward even when I know that she didn’t want to.

Now I am facing the stress of all of my friends telling me how they believe that Amy is wrong for me and that she is only doing certain things so that I will stay with her. I have heard no other arguments outside of this “Well we think she is manipulating you.”

Ok, First off, I can guarantee that I am not doing anything outside of what I would normally do for anyone that I cared about. And Secondly, You show me any relationship where one member doesn’t do something that could be considered manipulation towards the other member. That’s called being in a relationship, and if anything I am just as guilty of it as her. You think it was easy to get her into a White vinyl miniskirt for the first time?

Why can’t people just accept that I Love her and accept that she is trying her best to fix the problems she has had in the past. Not to mention the fact that you claim to be looking out for my happiness and well being. Did it ever occur to you to ask me if I was happy now? Being with Amy has made me happier than I have been in a long time. I accept her with her faults and Praise her for her accomplishments, Much as she does for me. Have there been times where I have been un-happy? Yeah, but that’s another part of being in a relationship. The Nice part of this one is that the amount of time I have been happy outweighs the un-happiness.

I love my friends dearly, and I do appreciate their input into my life and I value that they have my best interests at heart. But…… Saying that she is Manipulating me doesn’t cut it. If she were cheating on me, If she were stealing from me, forcing me to do harmful things against my will, cutting me off from my friends, any of those, Then I could see justification for being upset with her. Instead you berate me for doing the same thing I would do for each and every one of you if you were in her situation.

Giver her a chance to get over her past and build her new life. Give me a chance to be happy with someone I really love. You know, if you actually take a chance to get to know her, you might see that she is a great person with a good heart. It’s just been a bit bruised up. Give it a chance to heal before you pound on it more.

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Mid week on my first week back from class and I have already started putting my newfound knowledge to work. It feels good when you tackle a problem and think to yourself “Hey, I know how to do this now!” Defiantly gives me a warm fuzzy.

The Home life is also starting to get back to normal. I still need to clean like I always have. The Den still torments me. I think Charlie is starting to not be as pissed of at me as he was when I was in class. Charlie is my cat BTW. Since I was in class for so long, I would come home and go right to bed. He was feeling very lonely and made a point of letting me know about it. I swear he is one of the most vocal cats I have ever seen! Right when I get home it’s a 5 min speech from him about how he was home all alone and had no one to pet him. Apparently he is a very tortured kitty to not have someone around 24/7 to pay attention to him.

Good News on the Amy front. She comes home next Tues! She arrives at 9:30pm on the 5th of April. We both are very excited that she is coming home and I know she is ready to start working on the rest of her life now. She will make it back just in time for the Upcoming Book signing as well! No, not my book of course, but the Episode III book. The Author will be in Arlington VA doing a signing and we, as the 501st, were invited to Troop the event!

In the mean time I have gotten back to filling my spare time with Gaming, and have even started reading again. While in class I finished the Timothy Zahn book “Heir to the Empire” and am working on the Second book in that series “Dark Force Rising.” Both have been excellent reads so far. I am also back to my problem I had before class, I need to get out more. Money limitations are still upon me, but I need to spend some more time away from home.

I think I have decided that my one and only real vacation this year will be to Celebration III in Indiana. It starts on April 21st and goes through the weekend. I will have probably just enough money to do that as long as I don’t go crazy and buy myself a speeder bike or something. We’ll see how the week plays out.

Well, here we are, two weeks later and my head is full. So full in fact that I spent all of Friday and most of Saturday with a headache that rivals most of my other headaches. And of course I am paying for that now, see, I spent most of Friday laying down in the dark because most anything else would cause searing pain through my frontal lobe. Because of this, my sleep schedule is all screwed up and now my back is killing me because I was laying on it for 2 days straight.

Regardless of how I felt, I still managed to get out for a little while on Saturday night. I met up with Paul and we hit some Irish Pub in Dupont Circle. At least, I hung out until my headache was unbearable again. Thankfully I think I am past it now and am feeling much better.

So I am back at work now, trying to adjust to being here after the long hours of class. It’s even weird to sit down and write again. The class was amazingly tough and fun all at the same time. The long hours really wore on me after a while and I was always just flat out tired. Most nights I would just come home and go straight to bed. I Also met some great people in the class, The Instructor was great and excruciatingly knowledgeable. And most of the nights a lot of the guys would go down to “Baileys Irish pub” just downstairs in the Ballston Commons Mall. Of course they would come right back up after they were done and continue studying. All in all I have to say that I did learn a lot and it feels great to say that I finished all the tests and passed them all on the first try. So now I am Certified!

Now I just need to get back to my normal life (assuming you could call my life normal. Well this was a good start to get back into writing the blog, Hopefully I will have a better update tomorrow.

So here I am on day 4 of the MCSE Bootcamp. I finally got a chance to sit and write. Ok so let me fill you in on the last few days. (and sorry for no pictures in the blog, it’s not as easy to do remotely)

So Monday I left for the class and was feeling great, I had a good night of sleep and was ready to go. That is, I was ready to go until about noonish, and in the middle of the class. That would be the point where my Anxiety kicked into overdrive. I suddenly felt like I completely didn’t belong there. Seriously, I was freaking out. I hope none of you ever have to feel like that. The first lecture was on Windows XP and the test would be on Tuesday. By Tuesday I was a nervous wreak. Almost everyone I talked to was giving me all of the best encouragement in the world, but for some reason I just couldn’t convince myself that I was good enough. I finally broke down and talked with my instructor. He explained to me that he had seen tons of people come through with the same sort of feelings. and based on what he had seen of me and what I know, he was certain that I would pass.

I Took my test and scored 936 out of 1000

Needless to say, I felt better.

The days are very very long. I get up at around 6am and leave the house by 6:30. I usually get to the metro station by around 7am and to the class location by 7:30. From there we study and prep until around 8 or 9pm. By this time I am pretty brain dead and it’s time to go home. Of course I get home and crawl into bed to start the whole process over again.

The Second exam was about 8 times harder than the first one. This was Windows Server 2003 and it was tough, really tough. I finally got myself to the point of believing in myself that I was ready and went in.

Well, lets just say, I passed. Score was not as good as the last score, but a pass is a pass, right?

We finally get a break after that last test to decompress and breath. The next thing we go over is Security. From what I hear it’s a little easier to study for. We start lecture in just a bit.

So that’s been my week so far. No WoW, no Clubbing, no Concerts. For the next 8 1/2 days I am cramming windows propaganda into my skull through a thin funnel.

Don’t forget to send a little extra Mojo my way!

Ok, So I realize that I haven’t posted in about a week. Two things about this, 1: I really haven’t had anything super worth while to post about, and 2: I haven’t been in much of a writing mood. It happens.

Well, I do have a few things to talk about so let’s get into it eh?

Most of you know I am an avid reader of Wil Wheaton’s blog. I have been reading it for quite a long time now and I love the way he writes. I have bought one of his books and have been searching for the other. Recently he was selected to appear on CSI as a homeless guy and a suspect. Wil wrote in great depth the work he poured into his character and all the nuances of his homeless persona. I watched CSI last night and I have to say this……. I really thought he would have more than 5 lines. He was maybe in about 2 scenes where he was speaking. I think he did a great job, just thought he would have a larger role. I can’t really say much, Stephen Baldwin was also a suspect and his role was just as big. None the less, Great job Wil!

Also last night, the New theatrical trailer for Revenge of the Sith, the new Star Wars Movie. This played right after the OC on FOX, so I pretty much just left the TV on FOX and played some WoW until I heard the trailer start. I was getting some serious goose bumps! The trailer was awesome! At least, what I got to see of it….. Turns out that the CSI Episode that I was planning on watching started at 9pm, well Tivo wanted to change the channel from FOX at exactly 9pm. I was hoping that the trailer would be finished by then. It wasn’t. So while I was scrambling with remotes and the bedroom TV, I missed the ending of the trailer. I was bummed. Thankfully, the trailer has been uploaded to about a thousand different sites today so I was able to download it and watch it. The nice thing about a QuickTime version of the trailer is that you can use the arrow keys to actually step through the whole thing almost frame by frame.

On to other things. This weekend is one of my last of freedom. I start my MCSE class on Monday and from what I understand I will be crazy busy with the class. Good chance that I won’t be posting much but we will see. I know Paul is already asking if I am going to go out and I may actually do that this weekend. I need to get out and do Stuff (as I have been saying for the past 3 weeks) so Why not? If I get a chance I will update on Sunday about the weekend, I will probably be too busy on Monday.

It’s true, they do. And the ones that they don’t steal, well lets not discuss what they do with them.

Didn’t really plan on talking about monkeys, I just really wanted a post where I could use this picture.

So, Paul has been pressuring me to go out this weekend and do something. Problem is, I am still broke. Funny how that sort of thing doesn’t go away easily. I have been staying in and not really spending much at all yet for some reason I still am just scraping through. I know this next paycheck isn’t going to be much, I can only hope the ones afterwards are better. They should be, I have been working a lot trying to wrap up some projects here.

My Goal for this weekend is to finish really cleaning up the house. I want to clean out the Den, (That den is now my Bane!) and get it really ready for Andrew to come out. Theoretically he is not coming out until August, but I want it as much ready as possible. This means cleaning out the closet that’s in there and finding places for all the excess crap. It’s that or throw it away. I figure if I haven’t seen it or needed it in the last year, I probably won’t need it in the next year.

My Other goal is to go out for a drive and maybe a walk at one of the State Parks. I have been sitting around the house too much and need to get out, but I am not ready to be social yet. Is that too weird? I honestly didn’t think I would fall into this big of a rut, and I am going to work myself out of it. It’s just a matter of Re-focusing my priorities. I know I will get to the point where I will enjoy going out and being social again.

I know if Amy were back here we would probably be going out and doing things a lot more, or even by myself. That’s one of the problems I have, if I can do that when she is here, I should be able to do that alone. Keep in mind, this in no way means I don’t want her to come back. I Desperately do. But I don’t want to have to rely on her being here to do things. See, now that I have correctly identified the problem, and worked out the solution, it’s time to start implementing.

Ok, so I am not a big coffee drinker. Come to think of it, I really don’t like coffee at all. I have tried to drink it and it just doesn’t appeal to me. I like the smell of Coffee, Just not the taste. Something that I do enjoy though is sitting in a coffee shop and conversing with friends, or just relaxing. There is something about the atmosphere of a good, down to earth coffee house that is just so invigorating, yet soothing at the same time. Is that even possible?

So this brings to light two problems.

1: What does one drink in a coffee shop that isn’t coffee? (Sounds like a riddle doesn’t it, “When is a door not a door”) (p.s. when it’s a jar)

B: Where do you find a good down to earth coffee house?

Well just because I am weird and hate doing what society tells me, I am going to explain number B first. Why? Because I can, it’s my freaking blog! (Ok that was mean, I’m sorry, I’ll be good, I swear.)

Sorry to say, but Starbucks is just not the best place to hang out. I mean, every now and then they have some decent drinks, and they have some good music playing, But every time I go in one I think I die just a little. Something about the corporate monopoly of the effervescent conglomeration while overpowering the commonality of the under-impaired working class….. Where was I going with this? You know I really shouldn’t step away while I am typing in mid thought. So I think I was trying to say that Starbucks is a corporate shell. That’s why there is a Starbucks on every major street corner, in every mall, and attached to most businesses like a cancer causing leach.

Now there are a few places that are trying to bridge the gap between a corporate leach like Starbucks and a good wholesome coffee house like, umm well, uhh Damn, I can’t even name one because it’s been a while since I have seen one. Not to mention their names vary so much it’s usually like “Joes Coffee Shack.” You know the place, worn out chairs, a scattering of magazines across the tables. (Wow, I just noticed, MSWord doesn’t attempt to tell me that Starbucks is spelled incorrectly. Does that mean that MSWord comes packed with the word Starbucks in the internal spell-check?) Again with the Tangents! Ok, so there are places like Caribou Coffee and Panera that are getting close to comfy while still maintaining their “Big City” guise.

Does this mean I don’t venture into a Starbucks? Sadly no, there are times when I am thirsty and want something, but yet there are no other places to go. In that respect I give credit to Mr. Bucks, he saw an opportunity to bring Coffee to the masses and he jumped it like a perverted lion learning about female zebra’s for the first time.

So then, the Next question, (or was it the first question, I am not to sure any more) what do I drink in a coffee house if I don’t like coffee? Well, I suppose you could drink hot Chocolate, or Order some hot water and bring along a tea bag and some sugar. But that’s just lame! I mean, you go to a coffee shop to stand in line with all the other yuppies and order something that takes at least two breaths to say, and involves a major mechanical device that will drain the power and water pressure from a third world country. Something along the lines of “A double large triple Mocha low fat Café Espresso served in a dirty ash tray.” Walking up to the counter and ordering a Hot Coco, just doesn’t have the same flare and Mr. Bucks frowns on that.

So Mr. Bucks flew to the Magical Mystical Planet of In-dia and asked Mr. Dia to create something that coffee haters can drink while visiting the Conglomerate stronghold of Starbucks. Mr. Dia said “Umm ok” Which actually came out completely in-comprehensible because Mr. Bucks didn’t speak Swahili which is an Indian language. So Mr. Bucks clobbered Mr. Dia in the head and took a bunch of Mr. Dia’s house plants on the way out. Ironically enough, Mr. Bucks over watered the house plants and the leaves turned the water into a brownish water. This was just like normal water only brown, and it tasted funny. (Well I guess that isn’t like normal water at all then is it.)

Mr. Bucks asked his Indian guide what the water was, and the Indian guide claimed that if Mr. Bucks smoked a peace pipe with the left over leaves from the house plant, his eternal answer of life would be revealed to him. Not being one for smoking, Mr. Bucks instead said “I’m just gonna call it Chai.” And So Chai was born and brought to the masses in Venti sized cups. Except that Real Chai is a tea and All the coffee houses add things like Milk and honey and methamphetamines.

So the Moral of this Story is, If you really want to make a lot of money, start up a website that offers not to kill your pet if people send you a donation. But if you want something to drink in a coffee house. Find a nice coffee house and Order a Chai.

Ok, Rant time. (hey, it’s been a while since I have had one of these.) I just got back from lunch at Applebee’s. I HATE when I order something and it comes out screwed up. Here is what happened. We get there and I start looking at the menu. I am not in the mood for a salad, but yet not in the mood for a sandwich or chicken strips. Nor am I interested in a full blown meal. So I see this Wrap that looks somewhat appealing. Problem is, it’s got almonds in it. While I am not allergic to almonds, and I don’t necessarily despise almonds, I don’t really like them and didn’t want to eat them. (If it were pecans, which would be a different story, those should be abolished buy the supreme order of crap that tastes crappy no matter what crappy way it’s prepared!)

The waiter comes by and gets us our drinks, I order a Pepsi. (yes, a regular Pepsi, it’s been a long day.) He asks me what I want and I say

“I think I will have the Oriental Chicken Roll Up, but I see that has almonds in it, can I get it with no almonds?”

He responds with a cheery “Sure, that will be no problem” while inside I am sure he is saying “Great so he wants me to hand pick put every freaking almond in the whole gawd damn thing”

So he runs off along his merry way and about 10 minutes later he comes out with out food. Now, I saw in the picture on the menu, this nice little wrapped up salady looking “Rollup,” what I got was a salad that looked like they threw a tortilla on top of it. Worst of all, it had almonds in it. Not just a few almonds, it’s almost as if it had extra almonds in it.

/sigh

Now, it was lunch time and I didn’t really want to spend 3 hours in an Applebee’s waiting for them to re-do my “rollup” so I just trudged along and ate my freaking almonds. When the waiter made his mandatory “Lets wait until he has a mouth full of food and then stop by and ask how everything is going,” I made it a point to say how there were a lot of almonds in it.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I asked them to not put any in.” He tried to say sincerely “Would you like me to have it re-made” (and I could swear I heard him say under his breath “Which I will have them take 45 minutes to do”)

“No, It’s fine” I said with a grimace on my face as I bit into another almond.

I managed to keep the wrap shape form together for the first half of the meal, but looking at the second half, I just gave up. I proceeded to rip up the tortilla and sprinkle it on top to eat it just like a normal salad. I was so tempted to start having an “Allergic” reaction to them and cause a great big scene, but I guess I am too much of a whuss for that. I am thinking about starting a personal Boycott of any of the Applebee’s/Denny’s/TGI-Friday/Chilies Type restaurants as I just don’t think they care anymore. When you go to a small “Ma and Pa” place, they tend to take care of their customers a little better. Their business really depends on you and your reviews. These other places have a big corporation behind them and if you don’t come back, it’s no big deal to them.

Bah!!!

Ok, 2 weekends now gone by and I haven’t done squat! I mean, I went to Marc and Lori’s place for the Saturday meeting. It was a good meeting, and it was great to see everyone there, but I was lonely. For the first time since she has left I really missed having her there. I know I miss her all the time anyways, but, I could really feel her absence at the meeting.

Once the meeting was over, we partied a little bit, but I started getting tired so I headed home. The rest of the weekend was pretty much a wash. I gamed a lot (again). And I did manage to clean house a bit. I never really left the house much though. I really really need to get out of the house and do something. I don’t want to spend any money. I have been trying to save money since the whole Tax thing.

I am still trying to sort out the whole Tax thing too. See, here is my problem, and maybe some of you Tax Wizards out there can help me. I was officially married through September of last year. So my W4 form reflected that I was withholding at a rate of 1 with a status of Married. So my Withholdings were at a married rate. But since I was divorced before the end of the year, they want me to file as single. Ok, I can understand that. But what about all the time where I was withholding as a married guy? Thus the reason they want me to Pay 2 grand. So in a word, HELP!

So, in light of all this, I need to find a way to get out of the house and enjoy some me time, without spending a bunch of money. Things like Movies, or Museum would be fine, because most of them are a minimal amount of money. But things like going out and drinking, clubbing, and strippers are way out. I suppose I could get wrapped up in work, I have tons of that to do. I guess we’ll see what happens, but if I don’t get out and do something soon, I am gonna go Stir Crazy!

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